Currently Playing North By Something Corporate see related

you'd see me burning but the burning's turning smokeless.

I learned a really important lesson this week.
It wasn't easy.
In fact it may have been the hardest week of my life... I got slapped in the face so many times.

You know, I think it's funny how people are so obessed with worrying that if they don't do something, if they miss out on some amazing chance of their lifetime, they will regret it in the end. I'm not saying this isn't true but so few people think about the opposite... about doing something, making incredible sacrifices for something they think is truly amazing and regretting every single thing they gave up.

Oh, did I experience the latter this week.

So I learned that some of the things that we choose, that we push other things aside for (whether by choice or as a consequence of our decisions), really aren't worth it. In fact some of them really screw your life up. I'm sad to say that this has happened twice this year... Oh, but they were so tempting. The possibility of having power, of having influence over what goes on, of maybe changing things, improving things. How could you say no? But once you're in, you're STUCK. Stuck for a year, and everything else must be pushed aside. Why? Because you're committed, committed to a cause that lost its appeal altogether too quickly. And you see everything else falling apart beneath you, but there is little you can do to change anything. The pressure is too intense and the consequences too big. It's too late and you can only hope you will have the chance next year to make things better...

Of course, due to the vicious cycle you got yourself in, you made previous sacrifices that will cost your opportunity to have another chance another year. Not only are you stuck to a cause you don't believe in, a cause that brings you down, but your neglect to other more important things will cause you to lose everything.

Oh, life is pretty below average at the moment. I'm bitter and completely mad at myself.

I lost one of the most important things of my high school life, in return for absolutely nothing.

 ...</3

Oh, and just to let you know... You weren't worth it- not a single bit. (Directed towards both a person and an organization.)

I can only hope that someone absolutely fantastic replaces me. :)

&you're in pieces as your world becomes a rainstorm.